Sword Art Online - RE:Moval
by Firedrakon
Summary: Stuck in the VRMMO Sword Art Online, Kirito encounters Sachi, a girl who moves him to protect her. However, Kirito finds himself in great difficulty once Sachi is killed by mobs in a dungeon when he was there to protect her. He curses himself and tells himself that he will finish the game for her sake...to see why Kayaba wanted to create all this. But is Sachi really dead? KixSachi
1. Prologue: Burdens

**_IMPORTANT NOTICE: I have, lately, come back to this fanfiction, and decided to read it to remember what I wrote and continue it, but I found it very grammatically challenged. I wanted to improve it, to make this fanfiction better entirely. Now that my English is better, if the style from a certain point on changes, it would be annoying. Hence, I will be doing a revision of all the chapters I wrote so far (with minor changes to the narrative) and then I will continue the fanfiction from where I left it off._**

 ** _TL;DR: I'm going to re-write the fanfic and continue it. :)_**

* * *

 _Tic, tac, tic, tac._

Have you ever found yourself wondering why time flows inevitably?

 _Tic, tac, tic, tac._

Why it flows by without regard for the lives it ruins?

 _Tic, tac, tic._

I haven't...until now.

 _"Sachi!"_ I shouted as I threw my hand out towards the blue-haired girl. I wanted to run to her side, but if I did so, I would definitely be killed by the mobs attacking me. I tried shaking them with no success; my hands had long gone numb, and every swing of sword felt like a punch to the gut.

I redoubled my efforts, putting everything I had into fighting. _If I just make a small opening... If I just break through..._! Finally, I forced the mobs to distance themselves from me. I started running towards Sachi, who was barely holding her own.

 _"Sachi!"_ I forced a scream through my lungs. My hand stretched out towards hers, praying for it to reach in time.

Sachi turned around, spear in hand. She should've created an opening, a way of keeping the mobs at bay, but it hadn't worked. A golem, towering above her, launched a fierce attack at her back. It was a clean swipe she couldn't have blocked, overwhelmed by the sheer number of enemies.

I watched, my eyes filled with awe, as her HP bar started dropping.

7%... 6%...

I felt beads of sweat forming on my forehead.

5%... 4%...

I started to use up all my strength to reach her.

3%... 2%...

She lost her balance. I tried reaching further.

1%... 0.

Her HP dropped to 0.

She started falling towards the ground from the attack's recoil.

 _No – NOOOOOOO!_ Her avatar started flickering. She looked at me, her eyes filled with sorrow. I felt a sharp pain in my chest seeing her expression. She smiled and said, _"thank you. Goodbye."_

Her smile shattered into a million pieces. It dispersed into the air, quickly fading into nothingness.

Right there and then, I knew I'd watched the girl I promised to protect die.

I took a couple of seconds to realize she was gone. I felt something inside of me break - something I held dear until the very last moment, but couldn't protect.

The wish to bring Sachi outside of the game.

The wish to spend time with her.

The wish to see her smile.

They all burned up and turned to ash.

 _FUCK MY LIFE!_ I screamed from the depths of my soul. I felt my body shake violently from being attacked repeatedly, but it didn't seem to matter anymore.

 _My HP bar is depleting... so what? I've managed to break the only promise I found worth keeping; there isn't worth in me living any longer._ I felt a shiver run through my body, knowing it was the truth. My heart was on the verge of breaking, but there was a reason it couldn't break just yet.

 _... What kind of logic is that? Just because of a stupid admin, Sachi had to die? I can't forgive that; I absolutely cannot forgive that. She had so much ahead of her - she wasn't particularly brave, but she was trying so hard. In due time, her effort would pay off. She could grow_ stronger, _and_ eventually _break out of this game._ The mobs were cutting away at my HP, which was nearly depleted.

Right there and then, I made an oath to myself.

I **will** get to the 100th floor of Aincrad./p

I **will** learn the reason behind this massacre.

I **will** avenge Sachi's death.

So the first step is, _"I WILL GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE!"_

A flare of anger burst forth from my body. I was completely surrounded by mobs, and I had less than 15% HP to work with. With a clean diagonal slash from the bottom right, I got rid of a golem, and then I dragged the goblins to surrounding me to another corner of the room. From there, my instincts took over. I started slashing left and right, without a moment of rest. I felt my whole body burning… burning from the weight I decided to take on.

Somehow, I managed to get rid of the last goblin and moved on to the golems. There were only a dozen of them left, so I used several skills in quick succession to ensure they couldn't attack me. One of them parried my strike; I took the chance to glance at my HP bar. It was in the red, at less than 10%. I kept fighting.

In the end, I alone stood in the room that had killed off the Moonlit Black Cats.

I still have nightmares about that day. Keita's face, his footsteps towards the balcony, his fall through the sky.

I remember I couldn't do anything to stop him.

But I carried on. The burden I took on was too great for me to leave behind.

At some point, I stopped caring about my life, and that is where I am now.


	2. Chapter 1: Time Shall Not Flow

**_IMPORTANT NOTICE: For those who didn't catch it yet, I have, lately, come back to this fanfiction, and continue it, but I found what I wrote previously very grammatically challenged. I wanted to improve it, to make this fanfiction better entirely. Now that my English is better, if the style from a certain point on changes, it would be annoying. Hence, I will be doing a revision of all the chapters I wrote so far (with minor changes to the narrative) and then I will continue the fanfiction from where I left it off._**

 ** _TL;DR: I'm going to re-write the fanfic and continue it. :)_**

Note: This chapter, in particular, has a lot of changes - I hope you will enjoy it!

* * *

 _Tic, tac, tic, tac._

Time wanted to keep flowing.

 _Tic, tac, tic, tac._

But as much as it did...

 _Tic, tac, ti -_

I couldn't allow it to flow. As long as time flows, I won't be capable of holding on to the promises I made. Hence, I'm going to freeze time in place.

Sounds hard, right? Well, I don't want to 'freeze everyone in time', I just need to 'freeze myself in time'. If tomorrow comes, I may be unable to maintain my resolve, but as long as it's today, I'll be able to.

 _Clack._

If it means becoming a machine, so be it. I must not allow the things that happened become a memory. I don't care if I'm going to steal my own life away from myself; I can't allow myself to move on.

I gaze up at the sky. I know it's nothing but a visual reconstruction of data gathered in the real world, but maybe it will do to reminiscence about the time that has passed.

"..." Too much time has passed. Today marks the eighth month since the accident in the dungeon. I feel like scum for being the only one to make it out alive, and I think I'm correct in feeling like that. I haven't forgotten Sachi's voice, Keita's relinquish, and I'm constantly reminding myself.

It isn't hard, after all; I froze time for that sole purpose.

In the last eight months, I've attempted to take my anger out on mobs. The moment access to floor 32 was made possible, I tossed myself into farming mobs as if possessed by a demon. In order to hone my abilities, I slept near mob spawning areas. I would often wake up in the middle of the night, not knowing what was happening, and reach for my sword. Sometimes I even got myself seriously wounded, but it doesn't particularly matter.

At the same time, I stopped buying healing items altogether. Any col spent on expendables is wasted and could be used to better my equipment. HP slowly recovers while sleeping, so I didn't need to buy a single potion. I still have several in my inventory, but I don't plan to use them unless I'm in a do-or-die scenario.

"..." That said, I probably wouldn't use them even if I were in a do-or-die scenario.

After three weeks of farming on the 32nd floor, my level had grown ridiculously. My inventory was filled with several useless materials I gladly sold to NPCs for col. I bought myself a better sword, knowing it would benefit me once access to the 33rd floor was possible, and enhanced it by four levels.

A week after my purchase, the 32nd floor's boss still wasn't defeated. I decided to look for the boss room and, when I finally found it, I had an idea.

 _What if I take it on myself?_ Considering the equipment I had, it was more than possible to do so. Without regard for my safety, I pushed the boss's room doors open and walked through. The boss showed up soon after, and while I didn't have any information on it, I could easily see its attacks coming. Compared to being woken up in the middle of the night, this was much easier.

I was about to take it down when a group of players appeared. They were all wearing similar gear, and they all intended to steal my kill. Getting the last hit bonus for themselves, they snatched the boss from under my nose. I tried getting them to hand the drop to me, but they refused.

At that moment, I realized a girl whose face I recognized was amongst them. If my memory didn't fail me, it was someone who I'd met on the first floor. I quickly opened my friends tab, realizing it was, in fact, her.

I realized I'd made a mistake; I forgot to wipe my friends list clean and got tracked down.

I was boiling with anger, but I knew it wouldn't make a difference to take it out on anyone; she just wanted to leech on my EXP. I removed her, alongside everyone else, from my friends list, hoping for it to never happen again.

But history repeats itself.

I kept trying to take on the bosses solo, but the same players kept showing up to finish it.

 _How is it possible?_ I couldn't understand the reason why I was getting easily tracked down.

Out of all the times I got tracked down, one particularly stands out to me. In that period, suspecting my activities were being monitored, I started doing strange things to throw them off track, such as renting a room in an inn for an extra day. I sneaked out as well as I could, got to the boss room and started fighting, but I was eventyally interrupted. When the boss's HP hit the red region, I heard someone's voice coming from behind me, _"get out of there right now! You can't try to solo everything!"_

I ignored the comment and kept fighting, hacking left and right, until both my and the boss's HP were nearly depleted.

Without a warning, something struck my right flank. While I couldn't tell who it was, I knew it was most definitely not the boss. When I looked up, I found Asuna, the girl who I'd removed from my friends list a while ago. I was about to insult her, but I didn't exactly have the time; the boss slashed at me with all its might. I tried dodging, but its sword grazed me, leaving me with 28/13,100 HP.

 _"Haa... Haa..."_ The fatigue started catching up to me. While it's impossible to feel fatigue from running and doing physical activities, the quantity of sleep I didn't get put me in a similar condition. I knew the sole reason I was still holding on to my sword was the determination to finish what I'd started.

I looked up at the demon-like boss. Its red eyes were waiting for me, waiting for the last strike. Its HP was 4 attacks away from depletion, so I had to keep pushing. _I came this far, so I can't give up now!_ I lowered my upper body, bent my knees and increased the grip on my sword. Sonic Leap would take me to him, and a quick 3-hit skill could take him out.

Before I could move, someone's voice echoed through the boss room, _"get back you idiot! Don't you understand? If you die here, there are people outside of the game who will suffer because of it!"_

I couldn't even reply; without waiting for me to understand what was going on, she finished off the boss.

 _"...!"_ I grit my teeth, making an audible noise. I knew what was going to happen, but I simply let it... truly, I am an idiot.

Thinking back on it, I should've felt something when Asuna mentioned my family, but nothing came to me.

 _...That's the proof my mission is more important than they are_ ; I have to, no matter what, find the answers I'm seeking.

* * *

The information dealer I was speaking with dragged me back into reality, "will you try to go for the revival item? It's suicidal to do it solo, you know."

Hearing her say that, I shake the memories out of my head and focus on the task at hand: the revival item. Ever since its announcement four weeks ago, I did everything in my power to get my hands on information. I don't know its exact functions, but the name 'revival item' sounds promising.

After gathering as much information as I could, I'm here today, ready to get my hands on it.

Without too much regard for the broker, I say, "I will try and take it."

"No one knows EXACTLY where it will be spawning; do you have any info?" She looks over at me suspiciously.

 _I have a very good idea of where it could be, but it would be stupid to say so._ One thing's for sure; this plaza is the last place I want to talk about it. The Holy Dragon Alliance is most definitely here, and saying anything suspicious will attract everyone's attention.

"I'll be looking around like everyone," I say nonchalantly. _I need to act as natural as possible, otherwise my efforts up until now will be meaningless._

I toss a col bag at the broker, concluding my business with her, and walk away. It's 23:30; almost time to meet Nicholas the Renegade. After thinking it over for a while, I figured out the location the boss will spawn. Considering the mob's name and the day this event is taking place, it must be closely linked to Christmas. If that's correct, he could only spawn at the very ends of Snowy Fields, under the tallest pine tree of the forest.

After going through five areas, I finally reach the last zone boundary. Before I'm capable of crossing it, a number of lights start shining behind me.

More people - too many to count.

 _FUCK!_ I think to myself. _If I have to fight with them, there is no way I'll get the item!_

Trying not to make a sound, I hide behind a tree before their avatars are fully teleported. While I'd never kill someone, I can't guarantee the same thing for anyone else.

"..." I remain silent, even regulating my breath. After the Holy Dragon Alliance, a second group of people has come through the zone boundary, and they don't look like buddies. The moment they see each other, they start fighting.

 _... I can't spare a single second right now._ Taking advantage of the confusion, I rush towards the last boundary and cross it. Considering the number disparity between the two groups, I don't have much time to get the item, so I need to hurry!

When I reach the tallest tree, something drops from the sky. I catch a glimpse of it, but it's nothing but a hazy image. When it falls to the ground, a loud thud echoes in the forest, causing the snow accumulated on the floor to lift up.

 _…If this game's sick jokes weren't enough, the mob is a disfigured copy of Santa Claus._

"Well, it doesn't really matter how you look like if you're going to turn into polygons in a couple of minutes." I unsheathe my sword, lower my stance and propel my body towards him.

* * *

"..." At the end of the fight, I feel disappointed. My HP is 3,000/13,875, and I didn't hit orange health until a short while ago. Setting my expectations aside, I quickly open my inventory, take out the item I just obtained and read its information.

 _~ Divine Stone of the Returning Soul ~_

 _The item can be activated on the player's shortcut menu or by holding the materialized item and uttering «Revive ... [Player's Name]». The effect will only work during the time frame between the death of the player and the disappearance of item's effect light…_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _which is approximately ten seconds._

I feel a surge of anger, followed by a feeling of bloodthirst. Using all my remaining strength, I slam my fist on the ground. Holding the item with my other hand, I start shouting, "revive, Sachi! Revive, Sachi!"

I keep shouting until my lungs feel like they're made from sandpaper.

"Revive, Sachi…" I say in a voice barely audible to me.

A cold, dark sensation wraps itself around me, not letting me go. It feels so cold, my HP could deplete on its own, but it's not really there; it's just an illusion created by the unbearable loneliness I'm hit by once again.

I'd believed, hopelessly, that I could save Sachi. Even if I knew it was against all odds, even if I knew it was impossible, I kept trying to convince myself otherwise.

 _…But she couldn't be._ I collapse on the snow, tears rolling down my eyes. I know anyone who'd seen me in the course of the last few months would feel shocked by this image, but I don't care in the least. I want to, once again, mourn Sachi's death. The images of that day always remained inside me, so they came right back to me the moment I asked them to.

My sword lay on the ground where I left it, under the pine tree, but it wasn't a happy Christmas.

There would be no more happy Christmases, and knowing that fact was most definitely true, I fainted from exhaustion.

* * *

That's when I see _her_ – Sachi.

It takes me no more than a second to realize it's a dream, but seeing her face again takes my ability to speak away from me.

She is sitting, crouched in a corner, under a bridge. Something about this scene feels oddly familiar, and I quickly realize why; she had once run away, and I'd found her under that same bridge, looking down.

Her blue hair is swaying with the passage of the wind, and the moonlight reflected in the water makes her frail figure flicker. After looking at her for a while, she notices me.

"Kirito." She calls my name. I know she isn't looking at me, that she is nothing but a projection of my subconsciousness, but I can't bring myself to believe so. The scene before me looks real to such an extent, it feels like I just woke up from a nightmare where she had died.

Her deep blue eyes look straight into mine. I feel my facade start falling apart, but I try smiling, for however ugly it may look. Sachi does the same thing in return, tearing my heart in two.

At that moment, two sentences overlap;

"I am… afraid to die."

"Thank you. Goodbye."

The scene fades to black, abandoning anything and everything. Sachi disappears in an explosion of polygons before I can say anything to her.

I wake up and rise to my feet immediately, my breath erratic.

"Ah..." When I register the fact it truly was a dream, I feel the cold, dark sensation take me over once again.

 _So the revival item really doesn't work after all_ , I think to myself.

It was a dream, but the pain it left behind is so real, it's almost palpable.

Eventually, I stand up and pick the revival item from the ground. While on my way back 'home', I randomly give it to the first person I see. After all, what good is it? I don't need it; I never will. The only one thing that could save Sachi came eight months too late.

When I return to the inn I'd been staying in, I remove my equipment and place it in my inventory upon entering the room. My bones still feel cold from the snow that had settled over me, and I need to get some rest.

When I open the menu, I notice I got a gift box. Before my brows can furrow, I tap the icon to display the name…

I jump up from surprise.

"from: Sachi"

I immediately tap the notification, confused. I can't understand anything - _she sent it to me, but how?_

The object generated is a sound recorder, normally used to deliver voice messages. It's rare to see one, since it's a consumable, and would expire after listening to the message once.

Scared yet curious, I tap the button and I hear Sachi's voice.

"Merry Christmas, Kirito.

By the time you hear this, I'll probably be dead.

How should I put it… You know, the truth is, I never wanted to leave Starting Town. But if I fought with thoughts like that, I knew I'd definitely die one day.

That in itself is nobody's fault, but mine alone.

Ever since that night, you continued to reassure me that I would definitely survive. So if I died, I'm sure you would try to place the all the blame on yourself.

That's why I decided to leave this recording behind."

For the first time in eight months, the cracks in my facade become extremely evident. I bite down on my lips as hard as I can, holding back the tears that had welled in my eyes.

The recorder floats in the air. Her voice almost makes it seem like she were here…

"And also, I actually know what level you are. I caught a glimpse of it before. Even though I thought long and hard about why you hid you level and joined us, I never did figure out.

But you know, when I learned how strong you were, I was glad. I was relieved.

So... even if I die, work hard to survive okay?

Live to see the end of this world, find the meaning the behind its creation, the meaning behind the presence of a weak girl like me, and the meaning behind our meeting.

That's my last wish.

.

There's still some time left. Since it's Christmas, how about I sing a song?"

Sachi began to hum a tune resembling 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'.

My vision, by now, is completely hazy. My heart feels like stone; breathing has become harder, sending a painful sensation through my body. I listen, heartbroken, as Sachi hums a Christmas Song.

"Bye, Kirito"

"No, no please don't go!" I shout, reaching towards the prism, thinking I could reach her.

"Meeting you… and being together with you… I don't regret it at all."

The message is about to end. I shake the prism, praying there to be more. Realizing the message has ended, I feel something slide down my cheeks.

I am lonely. I am sad. I am tired. I long stopped caring for my life... but there is something that triumphs above all that. "I love you, Sachi. I will never forget you."

And as if to answer my confession, Sachi replies, "thank you. Goodbye."

The prism stops floating and falls the desk, producing a noise that I never wanted to hear.

Wanting to think Sachi was there a little while longer, I closed my eyes and let my mind guide me.


	3. Chapter 2: Life's Worthlessness

Since the fight against Nicholas the Renegade, 2 months have passed. Today is the 23rd of February 2024. Since then, I have attempted to fight the floor boss of floor 47, and was almost able to take it down. However, due to not being careful enough, I was followed and I couldn't finish the boss on my own. I had deleted Asuna from my friends list, and decided to avoid contact for a while. I was now level 78, which I to reached through farming the mobs in the Forest of Wandering, a spot relatively EXP-efficient: the mobs were weak, and the EXP reward was good. The Forest, due to the change of seasons became warmer, and it could be possible to feel a fresh breeze flowing about.

Not even for one day had I forgotten my goal.

My ultimate goal would always remain to find Kayaba and make him pay. And right after that, I had to find out the meaning to my meeting with Sachi – why she arrived here, why a weak girl like her was forced into a corner like that. That's what she wanted, too.

I was having my usual evening farming session, when I noticed something was off. The mobs, apparently, had become unevenly spread: I couldn't find any in the range of 800 meters.

Then I heard a scream.

 _'Someone's in trouble!'_

I started running as fast as possible, passing by trees and other plants that I didn't recognize. There was a low level of visibility in the area I was going through, but it was the shortest route to the place where I heard the scream come from. Soon, I came to a clearing which stood in the middle of the forest. I saw a girl, who looked like she could be no older than 13, trying to fend off 3 of the 'Berserk Apes'. As she was a knife user, it would definitely difficult to do so, as the apes had long clubs, while she possessed only a short-range knife.

Seeing her HP at a critical level, I performed 'Sonic Leap' and took care of all the 3 apes in one swift strike.

Once the polygons disappeared, I saw her face. She was clearly crying.

I understood, without being told, that something had happened. I wanted to keep leveling up, however I knew I wanted her to feel better. I therefore approached her.

She told me of how she had left her guild and how her Beast was killed shortly before I had arrived to killed the Apes. I recognized she was very troubled over this, so I decided to help her. I had some motives of my own, perhaps. Seeing her helpless in front of those mobs sort of reminded me of… Sachi.

She told me her name was Silica, and I agreed to take her to the hill of memories, on floor 46, and help her clear the dungeon to get the Pneuma Flower, which could revive Beasts within a certain time limit.

I gifted her some equipment I didn't need so that she would be fine. I also let her handle most of the mobs on the way: she could get some EXP from that.

Then, once we reached the end, she ran to the podium that had the flower on it and obtained it.

 _"Yay! Thank you so much for helping me!"_ She said with glee.

 _"It's no big deal,"_ I replied.

We began to walk towards the exit of the dungeon, and as we crossed a bridge, I felt a presence… almost as if we were being watched. Not like I didn't notice earlier.

It was precisely for this reason I went along with Silica in the first place.

 _"What about you show yourselves?"_ I called out.

After a short delay, I heard a feminine voice calling out to me.

 _"You're pretty sharp."_

She revealed herself. The girl who had spoken walked from behind the tree and looked towards us. She had red hair and what seemed to be a 'dark priestess' type of vest. She had a long spear in her hands, which ended with a cross.

 _"What about you tell your friends to join the party? Ms?"_ I asked her.

 _"Oh my… it seems my plans have been uncovered. Not that it matters."_ She replied coldly. _"By the way, the name's Rosalia. Remember it, it will be the last name you'll hear."_

She snapped her fingers, and from the trees beyond the bridge, at least 6 guys revealed themselves, weapons in hand. They are the sorts of people I despise the most in this virtual reality – PKs, player killers. They stared at Silica and I, attempting to intimidate us. Silica reached for me and wrapped her arm around mine.

 _"Kirito… what do we do now?"_ she asked me in a small voice.

 _"Don't worry. I'll handle this."_ I replied quickly.

I started walking towards the other side of the bridge. I knew very well of the fact there were 7 players. I didn't know their level, but judging from their gear, they should be around level 45, like Silica. They possessed various types of weapons. I saw one with an axe, and another one with a sword.

The 7 were clearly dazed when I started walking towards them, all alone, and unsheathe my sword. They looked at the woman who had introduced herself as _Rosalia_ in a daze.

 _"Rosalia… are you sure about this?"_ one asked.

 _"Of course. That brat Silica most definitely didn't party up with someone that's strong enough to beat all of you."_ She replied, clearly losing her calm.

She encouraged them to step forwards, and they did. As soon as they were all ready and had charged up skills, they jumped at me.

In this VR world, the pain absorber was high: fatigue could be felt easily, but pain was really hard to feel: no wounds made on the character avatar would be enough to even make one feel like they were pinched on their arms. And so, the pinching began.

They began with a flurry of attacks, coordinating quite beautifully. They were definitely a party that had been together for a while – but not a good type of party. I simply stood there, and watched my HP. According to my calculations, my HP would drop no more than 14,500/15,000 in 10 seconds. And I was correct. My HP dropped to about 14,700/15,000, to then regenerate by 300 after 10 seconds. The swordsmen insisted and kept attacking for half a minute, using sword skills one after another.

Once they stopped, they took a good look at my HP. 14,767/15,000. Which then went back to 15,000/15,000.

 _"…How? Why?"_ They asked me.

 _"The reason's very simple. I have HP regeneration at my current level of 300 HP/10 seconds. You guys deal no more than 320 every 10 seconds. Considering the fact your higher-level sword skills go on cool down once you use them, that means your average damage to me is below 300HP/10 seconds. This means I just heal back up. Literally, you could keep attacking me for the entire day, and you would not even be close to depleting my HP. After all, 7 level 45s can't even match a good level 78."_ I replied.

They started looking confused. They turned to their 'boss' and asked what to do. Her face, at this point, was clearly displeased. Once she talked with then for a couple of seconds, she decided to come up to me. She walked to a distance of 5 meters and started talking.

 _"You may think you've won, but that's incorrect. We have many friends in higher-level killing guilds that would love to help us finish a job like this. Since the pre-requisites to get that item is to have a dead beasts' lifeline, be a beast tamer and spend a long enough time with your beats, and the dungeon only opens once per item, basically everyone would love to get this item, since it's so rare. So,_

she looked at me with a serious expression.

 _Hand us the Pneuma Flower and we'll let you go. Else, you are both dead. I guarantee that on the name of The Titan's Hand and Laughing Coffin."_

In my opinion, this Rosalia must really not understand the situation to threaten me. She was up against someone who could easily take her life in a matter of seconds. How did she expect me to surrender?

On the other hand, Silica was also with me, meaning I could not find a solution as simple as 'Just walk away', since they would go after her. I also didn't have a particular wish to become an orange player or wet my hands with the blood of people which have may been good before coming here. So I decided to stick to my original plan.

 _"Ok then, I will ask you to come with me and deliver yourselves to the prison which we've created here in SAO."_ I told her.

She started laughing.

 _"Do you really think we'll do that? We've got some strong people backing us up."_

 _"I don't care if you even have Kayaba backing you up."_ I told her plainly. I then added;

 _"I am looking forward to finding him and killing him, as a matter of fact."_

I had never before voiced out my real plan to kill Kayaba. It had become an obsession for me: the person who trapped Sachi here, who decided to allow players kill each other. I would find him and take my revenge for having made almost a year of my life go to waste cursing my weaknesses.

Rosalia stared at me for a while, probably not knowing how to reply to my statement. Then, she took the obvious course of action. Attempt to flee.

But I didn't let her. I knocked around her underlings and her too with a couple of slashes, and eventually all got them in handcuffs when they were knocked back.

 _'It's great how Kayaba made handcuffs but he hasn't forbidden PKing…'_ I thought with anger.

Silica then looked at me and asked me if I was alright. I told her I was fine, and that she should go ahead. I then teleport the newly found prisoners and I to the prison of the Aincrad Liberation Army, Black Iron Palace and I left them there. To also ensure Silica's safety, I told the guard leader to disable message communication in their cells, which he clearly was not happy of doing, but it had to be done.

I then teleported back out to floor 56, where I was staying while the boss floor raid was being organized. And that night I couldn't sleep, all I could think of was Sachi, who would have been the easiest target for PKers.

I knew she would have never wanted me to do this… But deep inside; I wished she had survived instead of me. Thinking of the fact that there are people killing other players – and Sachi may have been one of them if I had died in her stead, I could not bring myself to peace.

 _"Why is death the only way to settle things? Why can't people stop running after death and actually start seeing things differently?"_

Questions left unanswered, I stood back up in the morning without having slept a wink.


	4. Chapter 3: I Won't

Not long after that sleepless night, I was summoned on floor 56, at a strategy meeting, to participate in strategizing the next boss raid, and discussing various things. Personally, I was up to the idea, as EXP is something I require as a solo player, since I don't have anyone to help me. I _had_ to participate, more than I wanted to.

Either way, the meeting room chosen was a cave in the rocky area of floor 56, Pani, where the Aincrad Liberation Army, the Knights of the Blood Oath, the Holy Dragon Alliance and other clearing groups and solo players gathered. The atmosphere was really tense: the members of guilds were speaking amongst each other, trying to figure out how we should approach the boss, which seemed to be very strange in its targeting algorithm.

Then, someone from the front spoke up:

 _"We'll lure the field boss into the village."_

A loud sound of surprise resounded in the room. Everyone found the idea strange. It was something that could be done of course, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything else but:

 _"W-wait a second! If we did that, the villagers –"_

 _"That's our aim"_ she replied coldly, _"While the boss is occupied with killing NPCs, we'll take it down"_

I knew if was Asuna suggesting that. I walked up to the map of the village, with the intention to speak directly with her. At that moment, I wanted to say many things. For one, it wasn't guaranteed that the boss would target NPCs. Even if it were possible if we played with the aggro properly, it was a risk. Second, there may be people in the village. Third – it seems like we're killing _real_ people. Instead of saying that, however, I said:

 _"NPCs aren't just bits of data like trees and rocks. They're –"_

Before I could finish, she quickly added;

 _"Alive? Is that it?"_

I flinched, unsure what to reply.

 _"There's nothing special about them."_ She continued, _"Even if they're killed, they'll simply respawn."_

I knew that there ought to be something behind the way she was looking at it. Perhaps we were short on ideas, or someone was sadistic enough to propose it. But I couldn't go along with it. First thing: NPCs are like were little shells: I can't even begin to desire to bring them pain when they're… And second of all, I simply could not look at someone else shatter in tiny bits before my eyes again. Even if they were not really alive. So I decided, right there and then, I would do this my own way if I had to, and would not go along with her.

 _"I can't accept that logic."_ I simply told her.

She rose from her arched position over the map, and looked directly to me, with an intimidating gaze;

 _"I, Asuna, the Vice Commander of the Knights of the Blood Oath, am assigned to lead this mission. You_ _ **will**_ _obey my orders."_

Right there and then, I decided not to even argue. I have met Asuna plenty of times when I attempt soloing bosses. And I knew I could not make her move an inch.

So I made my move. I turned around from the cave/strategy meeting room and started walking towards the exit. Agil, an old friend of mine, came after me and told me;

 _"Man, you should really try not to fight like that. You know she's stuck-up about her duty as part of the clearing group"_

 _"It's not like I do it on purpose. Plus, she's the one that started the thing"_ I replied to him.

 _"Well, it's not like you can expect iron to turn to gold."_ He told me, trying to sound cool.

 _"Stop it, it's creepy"_ I simply told him, once we were both out of the cave.

 _"Heeeeh? What was that for?"_ he looked at me, almost if I'd hurt him. He then looked away, at the fields surrounding the cave, and the NPCs, who were walking about, doing what they usually do: carry out their task.

 _"Nothing in particular."_ I replied. Then I added, _"Oh, I almost forgot: here is the col I owe you for letting me crash at your place that time that someone from a yellow guild was after me. You probably saved my ass for a while."_

I went to my menu, and sent him the col through trade request.

 _"You sure about this? It's not like I did something huge for you."_ He told me.

 _"You didn't do it for me, you did it for Sachi. So this is only natural."_ I whispered.

 _"What?"_ he didn't hear me, clearly.

 _"Nothing important."_ I replied, _"See you around!"_

I then started walking away, towards some place I knew I would enjoy, only to stop instead. I had been aware since long that I should not be resting when I get enough sleep. I therefore decided to go back to farming on floor 47, and then went to have dinner at a local inn, after working up what in the real world I would call "a good sweat".

I still can't believe this is actually happening. Even if it happened almost a year and a half ago, it is still hard to conceptualize.

I am not here. I am in a hospital room near my house, and there are my sister and aunt visiting me once in a while... but I can't see any of it. Existing in two worlds, living well in none. Virtual reality – is this really what I longed for? Being stuck here knowing of the fact everyone from my school will forget me? Leave me behind?

The worst of all is that I had killed a person. No, I have killed more than one. Sachi, Keita… all of the Moonlit Black Cats. There could be no other person to blame other than me.

I asked the NPC at the counter for a glass of water, which he quickly poured for me. I took a minute to look around: this inn/bar didn't look exactly medieval, but it wasn't modern. The chairs were all wooden, and the front of the counter was too. Personally, I had only come here on occasions in which I had managed to get enough EXP for 2 days, which I surprisingly had. And that was good enough to take a break.

Really, I should not even be taking a break. Yet, it seemed that having a moment of peace once in a while helped me keep my mind clear while fighting, so whatever.

Someone entered through the main door of the bar.

It can't be an NPC since their footsteps are too heavy. It must be someone wearing –mmm –-light armor. Those things have good defense and grant you speed, but I'm more an all-out type: cape for me. I like the speed buffs. And to farm, it is far more efficient to be able to clear mobs faster than take less damage.

The footsteps continued, up to about the middle of the bar. Then, they stopped.

Just as I was turning around to glance at the player, I have an authoritarian voice say:

 _"I have been looking for you."_

I turned around and saw Asuna, the vice commander of KBO. I was startled to say the least.

 _"What are y…"_ I stopped before finishing the sentence.

Even if it was not a pleasing situation, I still had to approach it with respect to her, else she'd probably take me off the people to notify on the date and time of the boss raid.

 _"I mean… what may you be doing in a place like this?"_ I asked, trying to keep my clear estrangement away from my talking.

 _"I came to see you. You are… Kirito, right?"_ She asked, strangely non-formal.

At that point, I could only reply, _"Yes I am."_

 _"Why are you against the idea to use NPCs as a decoy to draw the boss's attention and avoid casualties? It wouldn't matter if they are destroyed after all, they would simply respawn later on."_ She definitely got straight to the point.

 _"Personally, I find it quite unbelievable you have come all this way to ask me such a question"_ I retorted, sternly, _"I thought the vice commander of KBO had many things to do before the raid… seems like she didn't."_

 _"What the hell is up with that? Seriously. I'm trying to be_ _ **nice**_ _here. It's not like I'm asking you to insult me, you know?"_ she responded in a voice loud enough for all the NPCs inside the bar to hear.

 _"Do I have to tell you I don't like your idea again?"_ I asked.

 _"No, this time you have to tell me the_ _ **real**_ _reason why. I've asked around and found out there is clearly something wrong with your actions. Agil, one of the people joining us for the raid, expressed he was worried to me when I asked what was up with you."_

Damn him, he knows we get along as good as dogs and cats do. He just had to pull this on me?

 _"It is nothing"_ I cut it short to make sure that she would leave, but she insisted.

 _"I am sure there is an ulterior reason. Agil mentioned you spoke in a small voice before leaving him. I am sure that there is something other than the plan itself that is bugging you, and I want to know it."_

 _'Someone, please make her leave me alone.'_ I thought to myself.

 _"Heeeeey? I'm talking to you!"_ She pointed her finger at my nose, and then sat down beside me.

 _"What are you drinking?"_ she asks me.

 _"Water."_

 _"Then, tell me what I want to know and you'll have water for free for 5 weeks."_ She was clearly trying to bargain, but I was not interested.

 _"If I were to ask someone for money, the last person I would ask is you. In fact, I am not entirely sure I would even ask you for it."_

 _"So rude."_ She pouted.

I felt something warm in my chest. Despite being a person which I was different from, and despite the fact it felt like she was chasing her underling to scold him, I felt that she was sincere. Perhaps, concerned. But I couldn't let her know.

 _"Really, it's nothing."_ I said, at last.

 _"No, there is something."_ She repeats.

 _"No, nothing."_ I insist.

 _"Then, are you telling me that you have, knowing full well this_ _ **isn't**_ _in any way, shape, or form under your control, tried taking control of our strategy and specifically not allow aggro towards NPCs just because you are a self-righteous idiot?"_ She spoke the last word with a bit of effort. I was beginning to feel angry.

But I stayed silent, and looked away from her.

She pushed her face towards me, trying to force me to look at her.

 _"You know, maybe I was right. Maybe human life doesn't matter to you, and actually I was just valuing higher than you are… thank you for being an idiot, at least now I don't have to put up with your complains anymore."_ She stood up from the stool and started walking away.

My chest flared with anger. I hands tightened into a fist's shape, yet I didn't take action. I still felt that the truth was far more painful to speak than this.

Asuna turned back, and called out to me.

 _"You know, maybe you would like to see me dead. You want it, don't you? You're just objecting to my own opinion for the sake of it!"_ she sounded angry.

It was one drop of anger too much for me to handle. The I spilled the water I was drinking over the floor, knocked over the stool I was sitting on, and basically sprung at her. I grabbed her hand while she was walking away. There was no way I could control my mouth and myself anymore.

 _"You and your opinions? You and your opinions? Are you kidding me? I would, 1 Never try and stop someone from doing the_ _ **right**_ _thing. If I knew this would be essential to beat the boss, I believe I would have to endure it and go through with it and, 2 I do not like how you're calling me an idiot! You take the word too lightly! You don't even know how big of an idiot_ _ **I AM!**_ _"_

I knew she would most likely be scared from hearing me say that, but it was the truth: for some of the things that I've done, I deserve to be called the greatest of idiots.

I was screaming so loudly that the people outside could hear me. Ultimately, I didn't care. Right now, I wanted to tell her why she should call me an idiot, why I hate myself and why I don't want to see any more of those damned polygons.

 _"What are your problems? I don't have a clue! But I have left 5 of my friends_ _ **die**_ _and I didn't do anything to save them! I looked at them, one by one, become dust and disappear!"_ I ran out of breath, I stopped and then I kept going again, _"Do you know just how much it f*cking hurts? Knowing you are an idiot and you definitely will always be? Knowing you have done the one thing you will regret your entire life?"_

After finishing, I fell to the floor. In a small voice, I said:

 _"Sachi… I saw someone I loved more than anything fade out before my eyes. Is it fair to desire to not see that ever again? Even if it's an NPC?"_

And right there and then, the fatigue from training earlier had its effect. Perhaps due to my quick movements and my closeness to breaking down.

Before I could think of anything at all, I was asleep on the floor.

When I woke up, I felt some pain on my cheeks and I tried opening my eyes, realizing I was facing the floor.

 _'Why am I here?'_

I blinked a couple of times to get used to the light that was in the room. I was definitely not used to it yet, but I still tried standing up. And then it all came back to me. Last night, the leader of the raid had come to consult me about my reasoning, and I ended up lashing out at her. I'm such an idiot…

 _"That's right. An idiot."_ I said to myself, out loud.

I looked around. The front counter of the bar was where I remembered, and I was in the middle of the bar, halfway to the door. A soft light entered through the windows, making it look strangely ominous. The first thing I did when I was almost back to my senses was to check that I still had my sword on my back. It was there.

 _"Phew, thank god."_

The few tables of the bar were still in position, chairs in place. Someone was sitting at one of them right beside me – !

I almost jumped a full meter when I saw her. Asuna, vice of KBO, was there, with her face on the table, sleeping. The first thought I had was: "She really hates me and wants to argue", but I knew it was not it. Despite thinking of the possible reason why she may have stayed there, for an entire night, was something that I could not easily explain.

I knew that it would be better to resolve this with me, but I didn't want to talk about it. And I just couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. I started walking towards the exit of the bar, and once I reached it, I looked behind me.

 _'If her underlings saw her…'_

She had drool coming from her mouth, and she had a weird smile on her face. For some reason, I felt I should leave before she woke up, else she would punch me for seeing her like that.

 _"I'm sorry. I was wrong too. And I hope you can forgive me for what I did."_

I walked out of the bar, and I didn't look back. No more looking back.

But I still heard someone speak in a loud voice:

 _"I should be the one saying sorry."_

When I looked behind me, I noticed Asuna, rubbing her eyes, walking behind me. I must say, she does insist.

 _"I understand you don't want to talk about it, nor do what I tell you, so I'll excuse you from this raid. I think you have a great trauma and if you don't want to talk about it I can't help you –"_ She then quickly added, _"also, sorry for saying those things at the end._ _Ever since becoming a vice commander, so many people have come to me to complain for pointless things – and I just get attacked for the sake of annoying me, quite often. I was on edge, it's my fault, sorry."_

I was astounded. Asuna's expression, as she said these words, was completely honest: there was no trace of any sort of doubt, either. I have definitely misread her character.

 _"I'm also sorry for thinking bad things of you. You are nice."_ I told her, slightly embarrassed from her apology.

 _"It's alright, not many people know me well since I don't take time to know them."_ She stopped, hesitating. She looked like she wanted to say something but couldn't bring herself to say it.

 _"Also, who is Sachi?"_

I went red, then blue and then suddenly felt depressed.

 _"She is… someone I knew."_ I replied, not wanting to say anything else.

 _"It's fine. Also,_

she walked ahead of me on the path.

 _"I hope I can help if there's anything you need help with!"_

That day, she made me add her in my friends list again, and then she left, off to the raid. I didn't go, even if I knew I should've. Instead, I stayed near the bar and farmed some decent-leveled mobs. I could at least make up for it with a hard day's work.

Then, I went back to the bar/inn to sleep again. Soon after, I moved out, to the next floor.

It has been almost 7 months since then. I've gone through some hardships, like helping out some people defend against Laughing Coffin, and getting a new sword, Elucidator. I've gotten stronger, and now I'm level 91. Asuna has put her faith in me, apparently. From that day, we've become friends, and often saw each other in raids. Honestly, I found out she's the type of person to put a mask on for her occasions - and I understand why, since she is required to be serious al the time. I almost couldn't believe it when she asked me to team up with her to go scout floor's 74 boss room, only her and I. I decided to accept, since it seemed a reasonable proposal, and it would be smart to scout the room. Seeing the boss first hand would also help me try to get in the right mindset.

I was sitting near the teleport gate on the 74th floor, when I decided my legs were way too sore from staying in that position. I stood up and took a walk around the teleport station.

 _'What is she doing? She's late.'_ I asked myself.

I was walking next to the front of the warp gate when someone suddenly travelled through, while running forwards and screaming something I couldn't make out. I recognized the voice the moment I heard it. And, at the same time, I was smacked onto the floor together with Asuna. Shortly after, I raised my head, which was lying on the ground, looked at hers and said:

 _"Would you mind getting off me? It's hurting, down there."_

She looked up at me and noticed who I was, then, she realized what I'd said. Her face grew as red as a tomato. She then proceeded to slap me on my cheek with as much strength as she could muster.

I have never flown, but I need to say, what happened after she smacked me was a lot like a flight. I literally rolled for 10 meters, pushed on and on by her strength parameters in the game, and was only stopped by one of the stones used for directions which stood next to the gate. Even if this was virtual reality, it was so painful I felt some of the feedback. My head was ringing loudly.

When I regained control of my body, I saw Asuna running towards me and hiding behind me. I knew something was wrong. She looked far too distressed.

The teleport gate lit up again.


End file.
